Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Well my boyfriends birthday is on Monday, I got him a Polo Blue Gift set; it smells really nice. He's gonna smell extra sexy, I hope he don't be tryin to pull new females with that scent.... I'd beat his ass.... I will admit though things are a little weird with us because we don't see eachother. I see his frinds more then I see him, to be really really honest... I havn't seen him face to face since we actually hooked up... I saw him from afar today... this is not good.... infact it's bad... because if I were someone else, telling me this same story I would laugh at that person for being so silly. What we have here is a failure to communicate. We talk, but like... its not long like it was before he asked me out.... I knew it was too good to be true.... A guy that cute wanting to be my boyfriend.... but it's not like us going with eachother is a secret, all his homies know, but then again he told them and they are HIS homies so chances are they wouldn't tell me if his intent wasn't genuine. I feel silly, and I shouldn't feel this way. BUT maybe its me because I'm afraid to trust since my last relationship. Maybe its nothing... maybe its something... maybe its everything...maybe I'm still not ready.... I let my ex go indefinately... but my mind isn't ready to trust again. I really like this guy with my heart... but my mind won't let me forget what I went through before... I can't let another guy hurt me again...I mean not this soon again... and I'm not saying that this guy will hurt me, it's just that I'm not 100% sure that he won't either. I guess I'mma have to talk to him.... I'm confused obviously.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Well its been 2 weeks since me and my boyfriend hooked up and I guess things are going OK. That sounds a little depressing but it's really not, I just wish our schedules didn't conflict so much. Between me working and night classes and him in school during the day while I'm working and then him going to the studio down the hill to record... we barely have time to hear eachother...you know breathe... I'm usually free over the weekends but ever since I've gotten with him someone always has something for me to do and to be honest, it's kinda pissin' me off. I want to stay on top of my academic game, but how can I do that when all I can think about is my new beau (it's possible, lets not be stupid) but I hope you get what I'm saying. If I don't talk to him often then I'm thinking about him, wondering if he's thinking about me....Like I'm doing right now. He is soooo fucking adorable, you just don't fuckin get it. And he is charming, cool, and funny....and a little wierd because if I was as cute as he is I wouldn't want to go out with a simple girl like me....I'd want a model chick.... But I guess that means he's not shallow, you know? Plus, he doesn't ask me for anything like money or sex...just my time. I really appreciate him for that. And yes, we've been together 2 weeks but we have been talking for like 2 months....and he still didn't try to run game....he's a keeper... we are just gonna have to work something out with our availibility because if we don't see eachother or talk often, it ain't real. It's like a friendship... and I want it to be more then that, I really like this guy, I don't want to lose him this early in the game I just got him.